Limerance and Elliot Roger

My road to Men's Rights started with dealing with my own oneitus.
(oneitus is PUA terminology for limerance...)

Once upon a time, I pinned all my romantic hopes on one woman. This lasted for literally about a decade and a half, where I "lost" her, "found" her and despite all my efforts, finally lost her again.
After first losing track of this woman, I reconnected and found that she had gone through a dysfunctional, abusive relationship. In a moment of despair, I finally asked myself the correct question, that led me slowly out of the oneitus trap.

"Why did she choose to be with an abusive partner?"

Up until that point, I had been pretty blue pill,  believing that if I did the "right" thing, she would fall in love with me. Buy her crap, treat her right, etc. But I then went through a rather unhealthy (but necessary) period where I determined that if an abusive partner could "control" her, then I could too, for her own good and for my romantic gratification. I then looked into pick up artist techniques, and divorce councelling. The two combined gave me a pretty good picture of human dysfunction and contrariness in relationships. I learned to let go of limerance and instead focus on my own health and happiness first. It wasn't instantaneous, and took a lot of introspection and work, but I finally let go.

Thunderfoot recently posted a video criticizing Stephan Molyneau.



I'm going to focus on Thunderfoot's comparison of Stephan Molyneau to Elliot Roger. Being critical of a person, a demographic or a gender is not, repeat not, indicative of hatred. Hell, we could go down that road and say that Thunderfoot's criticism of Anita Sarkeesian is misogyny if we accept that tactic.

For those asking my @xoxo talk should be online soon. In it I discuss how defamation, libel and slander are often deployed to harass women.
— Feminist Frequency (@femfreq) October 1, 2014

They key to dealing with my limerance was being critical. Of women and men and relationships. The difference between Stephan Molyneau and Elliot Roger was, of course, that Elliot Roger shot people. If we fall into the trap of considering anger to inexorably lead to violence, then I suspect all people are just like Elliot Roger. The guy in the bar bitching about his wife. The woman bitching to her girlfriends that all men are assholes because the guy she slept with won't return her calls, etc, etc.